The red pill community and more generally speaking the manosphere have something of a love-hate relationship with women. I don’t love women as a collective, but seeing them for what they are to the bare bones I have learnt to accept them. In the rare instances they occur I can appreciate the minority of well-raised women that’ll contribute positively to my life. I can see how men are idealistic romantics that need/crave a woman in their life to “have a kind of connection they can’t have with another man,” but by the by, women are nothing to be lauded or worshipped. Western women in general are just shitty people. Red pill men have all the reason in the world to hate women when it’s made painfully clear how they operate and how much bullshit they manage to get away with. As unpopular as that notion is, it is far from unjustified. Being hateful however is merely cathartic, not constructive. Long-term catharsis is a sign that you are stuck in the bitter phase in your understanding of women, rather than progressing onward to accepting their limitations whilst simultaneously self-actualising.
Being continuously angry will not help you improve yourself. For the sake of your own mental health, you have to look past the flaws of modern women by being extremely selective with which ones you’ll reward with relational commitment. Ultimately, you must employ RP strategies to hold frame and maintain dominance with women who do manage to make the grade. It is in this way that you can learn to enjoy their positive attributes whilst mitigating their negatives, and if necessary subsequently drop them like hot shit when they cross the line. Which of course many, if not almost all, will at some point.
Imposing your boundaries is imperative. If you catch a woman young enough and she is merely uncultivated, as in lacking depth and desirable non-sexual traits – rather than the alternative, which is the complete and utter corruption of the psyche caused by the fucked-up feminist culture we live in – then you may just have a shot to make such a woman into what you want her to be. How is this accomplished? By training her to be someone that’s likeable rather than just fuckable, otherwise known as “long-term relationship game with an aspiring red pill woman.” Even so, not every man is willing to take a woman on as a full-time project alongside his own self-development. A woman who has taken the initiative to make herself worth a damn regardless of the value of her pussy is vastly superior to one who hasn’t; she didn’t need a man to take up the reins of father figure and teach her how to be a good woman, an effort which involves fighting her every step of the way on each and every detrimental habit she’s acquired over the years.
There is, however, a phenomenon I have noticed with a number of veteran red pillers: the total inverse of bitterness. The proud proclamation that in spite of the volume of knowledge and wisdom they have amassed on women, they have come to “love women.” Accepting women for who they are and managing them, adjusting your management style to complement their individual quirks is one thing; loving them as a collective just for being women is something completely different. An appreciation of the feminine form is a refined predilection that all men possess, but allowing this to take hold as “love” is futile. If taking the lens of political correctness off women to see them for who they are has caused you to “love them” in spite of the perversity that is the modern state of femininity, something is definitely wrong with you. Just how shitty do women need to be for you to not “love them?” Or are you going to be a hopeless romantic no matter how low the bar is set?
When I hear a “red pill” man say “I love women!” (plural) rather than a particular woman, it strikes me with all the familiarity of Stockholm syndrome delusions. It’s almost as if there is a desperate urge to love women as a collective in such a man (an irrational ideal), rather than simply to love a specific woman where conditions permit. Stockholm syndrome is defined as the desperate need to love someone in spite of their abusive nature. With some “red pill” men in the acceptance stage (and blue/purple pill men) this concept is applied to women as an ambiguous collective rather than any one particular individual. It goes something like this: you so badly want to see the best in modern women and crave to be in love so much that you’ll consume yourself in the self-accountability that the quest for masculinity and self-improvement has taught you. Then in your romanticism, naively project your new-found sense of hyper-responsibility into your relationships with women.
Your only inherent responsibility is how well you objectively govern, not any affront to your governance. If you lead well but she fails to follow, that’s not your fault. It is implied that a good leader will not lose influence over their subordinates, but that is not necessarily so. If someone thinks there are better alternatives than you or is simply delusional, they will leave or otherwise rebel against you. In your endeavour to embody all things masculine, placate your ego to realise that you cannot control everything. You can merely stack the deck in your favour. It’s as simple as that.
I’ll give you an example: say you manage a company and despite meeting all your quotas and ensuring the staff are looked after and have their grievances met, one member of staff persists in disliking you. Is it your fault that this particular member of staff doesn’t like you? Are you going to blame yourself for not having read “How to Win Friends and Influence People“? Or is this person simply influenced by extraneous factors outside of your control? You wouldn’t blame yourself when one of your employees disliked you despite great leadership, so why blame yourself when things fuck up with your woman after you played your cards right?
Men in love lose cognitive clarity: even the most masculine of men burdened by the responsibility of romantic leadership blames himself for any mishaps that occur whilst the woman is all too happy to kick back and agree. Romanticism seems to profoundly cloud otherwise lucid reasoning within men. This is the delusion I see with some of the guys in the acceptance stage: all-encompassing hyperagency, rather than holding women to account for their shortcomings. This is a blue pill error that even the most seasoned masculine man will make, and it is something that will come to kick you in the ass with the precedent that “always taking the blame” sets.
The feminine imperative combined with masculine pride has convinced even the most red pill of men to take the blame for all manner of things in spite of the irrationality of such a policy, and it’s pathetic. For your own happiness and sanity you should learn to accept women for who they are, but realise they possess far more negative qualities than they do positive. Women are an unending source of drama, they are a lot of hassle, and they need constant management. It is for this reason we refer to women as “the most responsible teenager in the house.” When you romanticise them in any way that deviates from reality you’re adding tinges of blue into your view of women. To love them, worship them, or even prefer spending time with them over men despite having read a lot of manosphere material, is not red pill at all, but really, a purple pill mindset that’s gone full circle.
To elaborate, it looks a little something like this: you began as an average uninformed guy, you were blue pill in your beliefs because you were ignorant and had no success with women. Then you 180’d to being red pill but bitter, angry or otherwise indifferent but well-informed about the nature of women. After employing some asshole game, you had some success with women and got yourself a relationship. She then managed to wear you down and begin to betafy you over time, and as a result you’ve 180’d again into a purple pill hybrid. You have red pill knowledge but you find it easier to give your chick free passes and blame yourself for her misbehaviour rather than put your foot down. You confuse leadership with being a hegemonic scapegoat. You’re the wilfully ignorant guy blaming yourself for any mistakes that occur because you believe women have no agency and merely reflect how you’ve made them feel. You don’t hold her accountable because you believe that by being the leader everything automatically becomes your fault. This is hyperagency.
For those who don’t know what hyperagency is, it is the male tendency to assume responsibility/fault for things that weren’t directly the man’s fault, but through some indirect slippery slope reasoning can be convincingly rationalised as being his fault. Men who have taken the red pill and gone down the path of accentuating their masculine qualities to then successfully land themselves a relationship tend to be hyperagents, whilst plate spinners are more likely to throw caution to the wind. Hyperagency is the inverse to the feminine hypoagent instinct, which you guessed it, is the predilection of women to divert responsibility for their actions away from themselves. She will take credit where it is due, but where fault is to be allocated her instinct is to blame shift and shirk accountability. Being accountable to yourself and acquiring discipline and honour to keep yourself on track in the quest for masculine self-improvement is fine. Holding yourself accountable for a woman’s fuck-ups, however, is as blue pill as putting them on a pedestal. It implies they are better than you are because they are beyond the realm of fallibility. Yes, you can influence a woman’s behaviour greatly, any masculine man can, but assuming all responsibility when anything goes wrong is irrational and just plays into the narrative of the feminine imperative – the innate Machiavellian tendency women possess to absolve themselves of blame. If accountability is important to you then blame is attributed where it is due. Logic will best deduce where blame should be attributed. Treating yourself as a catch-all for anything that goes wrong is not the answer and it doesn’t make you “a real man” or “a proud man”; it makes you an honourable idiot.
Ultimately as men I think we’re fighting our instincts. Our instincts are to romanticise women, care for them, provide for and protect them, seeking sexual favours in return to pass on our genes, whilst our culture has made our instincts deadly to our own survival. All of this is exacerbated by cultural Marxist indoctrination which makes us ripe pickings for women who have been trained to be less empathetic, more narcissistic and more predatory towards men. Women are manageable when their egos are kept in check (this is why negging works) but, allowed to get high on “you go girl!” instant validation streams for the tiniest and most asinine of things (such as a selfie), they become increasingly self-centred and unmanageable. Combine men’s predisposition to romanticise women with women’s Machiavellian nature and what we have is a disaster waiting to happen: a culture that brainwashes men to give in to their romantic instincts whilst dissecting and supplanting their masculinity with feminine sensibilities. These sensibilities then get mixed in with the male protector/provider instinct (masculine romanticism) in such a way as to make them hard to tell apart from one another. In part, this is why guys sometimes pathetically bicker over what “being alpha” is, especially in relation to women and long-term relationships which are no doubt the trickiest sphere for any man, let alone a seasoned red piller or manospherian.
Feminism, as institutionalised as it is in society, is responsible for exacerbating female narcissism. It encourages women collectively to celebrate and exemplify their worst traits (hypergamy/entitlement and solipsism) in order to make us collectively (as men) responsible for their material betterment, training them to hang us out to dry rather than learn to appreciate us and work with us despite our differences. Part of the facilitation of this conditioning is to create conditions in which women can’t love, trust or pair bond to any one single man. This is accomplished by encouraging them to be “sex-positive” aka huge sluts. It is a well-established maxim throughout the manosphere that the more partners a woman has had, the less capable she is of bonding romantically to any future partner. This is great if you want casual sex but it’s bad if you actually want to be in love/start a family. A woman who’s had many dicks and relationships no matter what she rationalises or desires is near incapable of pair bonding. These women are often bitter, they feel owed something from their chain of suitors as a symptom of their latent narcissism and view men collectively as an arbitrary segment of the population that can be exploited for self-gain as a result. All of this only makes the conscious choice to “love women” as a collective even more insane.
Without a patriarchal society in place to enforce honour on women, our freedom to love women is diminished because they have the ability to destroy us and get away with it. Allowing yourself to love a woman should not mean tussling with the Devil. Due to the vast chasms that separate masculine and feminine nature, equalism fails in matters of love. This is predominantly caused by three things: 1) femininity’s lack of reason; 2) femininity’s lack of honour; 3) perhaps most importantly: the ability of the female mind to so easily rationalise away atrocities as necessary for its emotional well-being, and therefore, perfectly acceptable. This is what is known colloquially as “hamstering” and it ties in with the earlier point made about the feminine predilection to absolve herself of blame in order to avoid cognitive dissonance. This instinct is so strong that it will even override the decision-making process of women that otherwise possess strong logic.
By making them our legal and social equals without their being our rational and ethical equals, we have upset the balance between leader and follower, captain and first mate, and left ourselves susceptible to their whims. What has this done? Destabilised society, leading to massive increases in divorce rates, the ensuing post-divorce suicide of what was previously a husband, and a whole bunch of other fucked up crazy shit that no attractive woman’s sweet voice, long hair and gentle touch is worth. For all the flak they get, the “men going their own way” are in some ways the rational ones here: they’re rational in pursuing their own happiness, but irrational evolutionarily as they implement the destruction of their ancestral genetic line. If there was ever a war between nature and nurture, this is it, and it’s socially engineered human reproductive kryptonite.
Update: This article has been revised for grammatical refinement and has been updated as of 26/08/2014 to reflect the implemented changes.
12 thoughts on “The Three R’s: Romanticisation, Realisation & Responsibility”
Astounding! Read this 3 times. This will haunt my day. Thank you.
Wow. This really resonates well with me. Couldn’t help but recall many tough experiences I’ve not only been through but have also witnessed family members & friends go through. A very complex matter so logically & brilliantly stated!
Reblogged this on thecontentedcockney.
This “hyperagency” comment is one of the most brilliant things I’ve ever read. I had no idea that was a thing, but I’ve sure been doing it. It makes me see all kinds of interactions I had with a friend girl I orbited in a new light. I can, should, and do blame her for her role in sucking me into that tarpit and trying to hold me there.
Always a pleasure to read these clever article.
i’ve just heard a radio show by a Rabbi on KSFO 560 San Francisco
the show is podcasted.(you could listen to it anytime).. from 5am-8am Pacific Daylight time US
His 3d hour is talking about masculinity–and is very interesting–similar to what is speaking of here
but he is talking about FAMILY and how feminism is destroying the male–more female doctors and dentists, etc.
“Being continuously angry will not help you improve yourself. For the sake of your own mental health, you have to look past the flaws of modern women by being extremely selective with which ones you’ll reward with relational commitment. Ultimately, you must employ RP strategies to hold frame and maintain dominance with women who do manage to make the grade.”
Thank you for making this point. I think so much of the TRP gets drunk on the Haterade and forgets it’s just as poisonous as the feminism they’re railing against. Being bitter just means you still care, and won’t let go. If you take the Red Pill and your only reaction is to be angry, bitter, and go MGTOW, then I’d argue you missed the point all together.
I agree. I am just now starting to have an appreciation for the female species after a couple years of haterade because of the truth I was exposed to by TRP and manosphere.
As much as I was bitter towards their nature, I have come to accept it and use to my advantage by working with it, not against it anymore. I’m at a cool café writing this as I see a cute girl in front of me and all I can think is,
“You’re a girl, and I’m starting to figure you out. There’s nothing inherently different from you to the next. I can appreciate you now because of how oblivious you are to your own nature. Ha ha. I have a love/hate relationship with your kind”
You are making an stereotype about MGTOW.
I am guilty of saying “I love women” too.
However when I say this I’m not talking about women collectively, I’m only talking about the attractive feminine ones ie less than 10% of the collective, the rest simply don’t exist to me, it just doesn’t occur to me to separate them out of the statement, because erm, they don’t exist.
” It is a well-established maxim throughout the manosphere that the more partners a woman has had, the less capable she is of bonding romantically to any future partner. This is great if you want casual sex but it’s bad if you actually want to be in love/start a family. A woman who’s had many dicks and relationships no matter what she rationalises or desires is near incapable of pair bonding.”
I attached this link which is quite informative and i think answers some questions why women have trouble with pair bonding .
Keep up the good work.
I enjoy your work, insightful and well presented