Tuition From Tragedy – Ben’s Story

The Tale of Ben

“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one’s self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.” – Oscar Wilde

1.) Introduction
2.) Ben’s Story, IM’s Analysis
3.) Ben’s Fate
4.) In Closing / Lessons Learned
5.) Relevant Reading

1.) Introduction:

If anybody needed the red pill, it was Ben. The tale of Ben is a cautionary tale, for men like Ben are the reason the red pill exists. Ben is, much to his detriment, a man completely clueless in matters of women. Ben’s tale highlights how a woman’s slow pervasive intrusion into a man’s emotional inner sanctum can prove deadly, especially so for men absent red pill awareness.

Ben’s ignorance to reality cost him an otherwise effortless and affable charm, his sense of well-being, money, time and the prospect of a good future. But let us not allow Ben’s suffering to be in vain, using Ben’s experiences, we can look at the relational dynamics between a blue pill man and his girlfriend, explicating how red pill principles play their part in, and ultimately define the success or failure of a relationship.

With Ben’s story in hand, my humble analysis, and your sharing of this article, maybe, just maybe, we’ll save a few more men from becoming Ben. Okay, enough of my talking, you haven’t even heard the story yet, so on we go.

2.) Ben’s Story, IM’s Analysis:

I have a friend (we’ll call him Ben) who was a stay-at-home dad. We knew each other since high school. In high school Ben was independent and fairly assertive, yet likewise he was one of the kindest people you’d know. Ben was very upstanding, everybody liked him. He wasn’t your stereotypical alpha, but he was the leader of his friends.

In high school, Ben met a girl called Julia. They dated, and were really into one another. Ben found it easy to get girls because of his easygoing personality, Julia was attracted to Ben’s popularity, so she asked Ben to be her boyfriend. Looking back I think that’s where things started to go wrong. It was his first girlfriend and he really, really loved her. He and I stopped going out together, and on the rare occasions we did go out, he would be worried his girlfriend was missing him so he’d incessantly text and call her.

I loved Ben to the core at the time, but it became unbearable to stay near him anymore. As a result, we ended up growing distant from one another.

Our tale starts with that of an extroverted young alpha male in a classic boy meets girl scenario. A tale so recognisable, it’s a cliched trope repeated in countless movies. Boy is popular, girl falls in love with boy’s popularity, so boy dates girl and quickly falls in love with her, only for girl to end up thinking he’s a loser when school’s over and the popularity that made him situationally attractive has evaporated.

Also note Ben’s constant need to check in with his woman, this is a classic beta male trait: anti-dread. Dread is the heightening and elicitation of attraction in a woman via a combination of emotional withdrawal, and an implicit or explicit demonstration of social power. For example, being seen with another high status person (particularly an attractive woman) whilst simultaneously dialling down the degree and frequency of emotional validation a man gives his woman constitutes dread.

Both alpha and dark triad men use dread as a tool to keep their woman’s narcissism in check. Dread plays on a woman’s jealous disposition and group status anxiety to keep her ego in check and attraction high, dread communicates to a woman’s hypergamy “this man is hot”. Likewise, whether a woman is aware or unaware of the dynamic at hand has no bearing on the efficacy of this social mechanism, for it is immutable.

Naturally, anti-dread is the opposite of dread. Anti-dread is the constant validation of a woman’s concerns, be they pettily baseless or accurately rooted in reality. Anti-dread is the constant assuagement of a women’s ever-changing insecurity, addressing every little concern she has with servile like efficiency; it is the constant need to “make sure everything is ok” and is in general, a passive, pandering, supplicate behaviour which prioritises comfort and paranoia placation over attraction.

Where dread harnesses a woman’s paranoia and discomfort to create attraction, anti-dread looks only to assuage it, making the man in question appear boring, and thus in turn, unchallenging and unattractive. Women are not attracted to men who give them an easy life, they’re attracted to the jealousy of uncertainty and competition. Assuaging a woman once she teeters on the precipice of romantic uncertainty almost ensures a strong, passionate relationship.

Effectively for a woman to appreciate a man, she has to believe she can lose him. Anti-dread ensures high levels of comfort, which in turn cultivate a hubris so firm she believes her man to be incapable of leaving her. When a woman does not believe she needs to please a man in order to keep him, she cannot respect him, and thus in turn, cannot love him in the way a romantic partner should.

Fast forward a couple of years and Ben got Julia pregnant. She had the baby just after graduation, but her family didn’t accept it so they kicked her out of the house. Ben found a poorly paid job at a logistics firm, gave up on his dreams of college, left his family and went to live with her in the worst house you can imagine.

Already this early into the story we can see the painstaking decisions that will eventually lead to the demise of Ben. What is Ben’s crucial life-altering faux pas? He gave up his future for a girl. A man always needs a mission other than his woman, to put this mission first, and to entertain women solely as an accompaniment, never a goal.

A good woman is one who will not jeopardise the mission, an exemplary woman is one who will support it. A woman who expects to be treated with more importance than her man’s mission unwittingly condemns them both to a most sordid misery, for a woman’s conceit will destroy the relationship should it not be kept in check.

When a man has no mission other than to meet the needs of his woman, rest assured the woman in question will seek a man with a mission of his own. You see, women are so clueless and out of touch with what’s really good for them, that left to lead they will ruin every relationship with every man they ever have. The success of a relationship thus relies almost solely on how a man harnesses his ingenuity to safeguard the relational arrangement from the vacillation of his woman’s emotional impulses.

If you allow a woman to dictate the course of your life, she will, and no matter her demands beforehand, she’ll hate you for it. A woman is a creature who pesters, nags, undermines, demands and sabotages her man in a petty quest for power born of insecurity, and should you yield to her attempts of usurpation, she will hate you. This is nothing but a test to see if you’re “a real man”, a behaviour almost all women compulsively exhibit without self-awareness or malice, yet nevertheless agitating and troublesome for man.

A woman hates a man who won’t give her what she wants, but she absolutely detests a man who does, and without a fight. You see the typical woman spends all her time ensuring a man sees her as the most important thing in his life, and as soon as he behaves as if she is, she becomes “suffocated”, moving on unflinchingly. Women think they want to be worshipped, but they do not, they want to be dominated absent the insecurity of disrespect; few woman are self-aware enough to realise this, even fewer dare to admit it.

Ben worked 8 hours per day, whilst Julia went to college (college here is free, so she only had to study to enter). Ben paid the neighbour to look after their child whilst he worked and she studied. As Julia had no income, she was reliant on Ben as he paid both the rent and her college expenses. When Ben was home, Julia would be studying so he’d take more care of the child than she would. Ben’s family would assist them with money and childcare when Ben’s money ran out at the end of each month.

I didn’t know what was happening because we’d lost contact at the time, otherwise I would have helped him as much as possible. This insane routine went on for about 3 years, until Julia got a proper job at the end of college. She got an internship in a prestigious consulting firm, and as she used to say “got hired straight after college because she was too good.” Once she got this job, she was making 3 times what Ben made working the same number of hours.

Ben always hated leaving his child to be taken care of by a stranger, so he spoke with Julia and they agreed it would be better if he stayed home and looked after their daughter whilst she worked. This worked to begin with, and Ben was happy. He contacted me and a few others at this time, and begun keeping in touch. He had changed a lot physically, it was shocking, he was pale, tired looking and appeared 10 years older than he was. I assumed this was because of the shitty job he had worked over the years, but nevertheless he was still noble, one of the greatest people I’ve ever known.

Without Ben, Julia would be a single mother. As a single mother, she would have very little opportunity to educate herself. Ben covering the bills whilst she studied was the fulcrum on which her study depended. Thus it stands to reason that were it not for Ben, Julia would not have had the opportunity to economically elevate herself. And so it appears by this point Ben slipped from the position of schoolboy alpha to that of beta provider, a transition so insidious I doubt he entirely realised it himself.

The moment Julia got her job at the consultancy and was no longer reliant on Ben’s income was the moment Ben became obsolescent. At this point he was neither the alpha that provided excitement, nor the beta providing resources and security – he was redundant.

Perversely, Ben gave up his academic aspirations because he was becoming a father, yet his girlfriend who was actually conceiving the child did not. To ensure a fruitful and more lasting relationship, it would have made much more sense for Ben to have gone to college whilst his girlfriend stayed home and looked after the child, I will give you my reasoning in 4 words:

Briffault’s Law and Hypergamy

A man who arches his back to enable a woman to step onto it and climb higher, creates a woman who will look down on him once her ascension has been realised. The naive, romantic man expecting to have his loyalty honoured will extend his hand from below, clasping at the heel of her shoe in expectation she will reward his efforts – but she will not. She will kick him down, and scoff with nothing but disgust for what she views as inferior neediness.

In a miraculous state of compartmentalisation, she will forget everything the man did to assist her ascension, attributing all credit for her accomplishments to herself whilst allocating blame for her imperfections to her man. Just as a woman will only take responsibility for your victories and not your losses, she will likewise refuse to deign a man she sees as inferior with credit for her victories. This is precisely why an out of control female ego is so deleterious to a relationship, an egotistical woman believes she is above her man, and it is via this belief that her attraction wanes and ushers in an era of relational failure.

As we can see above, Ben’s lack of dominance allowed Julia’s hubris to become so strong that she began to believe in her innate superiority to Ben, illogically and deludely believing she had gotten to where she was single-handedly, rather than on the back of Ben’s selfless sacrifice.

Why does a woman suddenly betray the father of her child, the very man who worked tirelessly to give her a better life? Hypergamy, and more specifically, Briffault’s Law. Ben’s value was as a provider, the minute he enabled Julia to provide for herself more efficiently, he removed her dependency and thus became obsolete.

Had Ben been the one to go to college whilst Julia worked a job and stayed home with the child, Ben and Julia would still be together. Why? Because Ben would have the status and income of a better job that Julia would not have for herself, this in turn would allow Ben to satiate Julia’s hypergamy. By facilitating Julia’s social mobility at the expense of his own, Ben not only deprived himself economic opportunities, but has all but certainly ensured his love interest will lose interest in him.

Fast forward 2 years and Ben’s girlfriend Julia admitted to having an affair with her co-worker. (IM’s interjection: Who didn’t see that one coming?!) She told Ben she didn’t want to be with him anymore because she couldn’t live with herself for betraying him, after this they separated. Ben went back to his family’s house, he searched for a job, and after a few months he found one. He asked to live with me for a while because I lived closer to where he worked, naturally I obliged and we lived together for a few months.

The old “it’s not you, it’s me” rejection. As objective in tone as I endeavour to be in the penning of this literature, I’m at a point where I find it all but impossible not to laugh at how insanely ludicrous this gambit was. Here, Julia tries to save face (maintain her reputation as a wholesome woman and mother) by feigning she is so wrought with guilt for her disloyalty that she should leave as she is unworthy of Ben.

Of course being the wrongful party, it is not down to her to decide what the consequences for her actions should be, such a decision would rightfully belong to the injured party, Ben. However, just as naturally as she took control of the relationship, she took control of the breakup.

If Ben had been on top of things, the consequences and punishment for her behaviour would not be in her hands, but in his. Of course Julia didn’t respect Ben, which is the cause of her waning attraction and thus decision to cheat to begin with. This disrespect continues as she smears herself in a veneer of inauthentic righteousness, claiming her exit to be the self-imposed punishment she deserves rather than what it really is: convenient abandonment, a branch swing.

Here we see a woman’s Machiavellianism at its finest as she superficially condemns herself, only to suffer no real punishment as she simultaneously executes her whim’s desire. From one Machiavellian to another, I must say disguising an exit strategy as an unwanted but necessary exile is something of a stroke of genius – this is definitely something that would head fuck a lesser man, and I can say with almost unshakable veracity it would have been something that wrought monumental chaos on Ben’s young and fragile mind.

Meanwhile, Julia moved to her coworker’s house and took their daughter with her. Ben can’t have guardianship of the girl because his job was unstable and he did not have a home. Julia made it difficult for him to see his daughter because seeing him reminded her of her betrayal. He lawyered up, and was permitted to see his daughter just once every 15 days.

Ben’s situation while living with me was as bad as you can imagine. He had no degree, a low paying and unstable job, little contact with his daughter, no future prospects, no wife and none of his classic charisma. He barely talked when he lived with me. I was paying for his lawyer because he wanted nothing more than to see his daughter. I offered him a psychologist, but he refused. I requested he went to college and offered to pay, but he refused me; I’m sure he was depressed. He moved out after a while and got his own shitty place as this would increase his chances of getting custody of his daughter.

Julia went insane when he did this. She tried to stop him from having contact with his daughter altogether. She poisoned his daughter and turned her against him. She filed false allegations to the police, claiming Ben had threatened her, invaded her home and tried to beat her; she made at least 30 of these complaints to the police. As a result, police enquiries begun and Ben had to get a better lawyer to defend himself from her accusations.

He had to sell his house, and once again went back to live with his family. He didn’t want to come and live with me again because I think his pride had been hurt and he was embarrassed. After one of Julia’s false allegations, the police made Ben wear an electronic tag around his ankle. When his boss saw his ankle tag, he lost his job and his life was destroyed in every way conceivable.

I have said it before but it bears saying again, when a woman leaves she takes everything that matters to her, possessions and children alike. Ben’s attempt to dispute what Julia rightfully believed to be hers (their daughter) resulted in her upping the ante. To defend her property, she went on the offensive, and as predictable as finding sand in a desert, leveraged the authorities to successfully criminalise her opponent in the absence of any sufficient evidence of wrongdoing.

The weaponisation of the state against Ben served two primary functions, the first being to ensure his continued prohibition of access to his daughter, the second being an economic attack upon his resources, to tie him up in so much legal trouble that whatever money he did have would dry up. Julia held all the trump cards, she had a much greater income (which if you remember, is the very income Ben was crucial in her acquisition of), her partner’s income, and the default assumed innocence and benefit of the doubt that comes with being female.

This continued legal pressure complemented the mental poisoning she had conducted upon their daughter, and would ensure Ben was firmly out of the picture once and for all.

The electronic tag was the final nail in the coffin, having the unintended yet tactically pleasant effect of causing Ben to lose his job, thus financially starving him and removing his ability to fight for custody of his child. At this point, Julia won, being penniless and thus powerless to fight back, Julia would automatically retain custody.

I do not believe these were the actions of a dark triad woman, but rather that of a representatively average woman in a state of scorn. If a man loves a woman too much, fails to maintain social dominance, and underestimates her purely on the superficial pleasantry of her femininity, like Ben he can be assured swift acquaintance with a world of most heinous pain.

3.) Ben’s Fate:

Last week Ben tried to kill himself by drinking cleaning products and pills in a hotel. The lady who cleaned his room found him, and he was taken to the hospital. He had his stomach pumped, he may survive but his interior was badly damaged, he is still in the hospital.

4.) In Closing / Lessons Learned:

– You should not rely on a woman’s moral compass (haha!) or emotions to override her hypergamous programming. If Ben is an example of anything, he’s an example of man’s total disposability should he allow himself to become obsolescent emotionally or financially. As such, a man must fight obsolescence by maintaining relevance.

– If you allow a woman’s motherly nature and good looks to conceal the great mental cruelty she is capable of, you will be in for a most revolting awakening the eve she opts to betray you.

– You may be unable to trust a woman, but you can trust her hypergamy – act accordingly.

– If you treat a woman too well, she will reward you with enough pain and betrayal to make suicide seem like a viable option – do not love too much.

– It is a man’s responsibility to ensure he maintains dominance in the relationship, he should employ dread to humble his woman and prevent an unchecked ego from encroaching on the stability of the relationship.

– Women are practical lovers by nature, whereas men are idealistic. As a man, your love should thus be better guarded, more scantily awarded and more quickly revoked. If a man loves too much and too wholly, he may find himself in a situation as dire as Ben’s.

– Never elevate a woman beyond your station, should you help a woman to improve herself, ensure it is not to the extent she surpasses you. Ben supported Julia with money for childcare, food and lodging whilst she studied. Without Ben, Julia would not be a professional earning three times what Ben does. As the late and great Patrice O’Neal would fondly assert, a king can make a woman queen, but a queen cannot make a king. Even as esteemed as the position of queen is, it’s still beneath that of king, and this dynamic plays out universally in male-female relationships.

– Being a weak and passive man is dangerous, it could cost you everything you hold dear, including your sanity. Next time you feel even a tinge of guilt for being a jerk to a woman, remember Ben. Remember how devoid of sympathy hypergamy is when a man is beneath rather than above it. If you are going to remember anything, remember this: don’t be like Ben, be anything but Ben, Ben is the ultimate example of what not to be. Ask yourself “what would Ben do?”, then do the opposite.

– Dedicating your life to making a woman happy is a recipe for disaster. Women may say in their hubris that this is a commendable and advisable thing to do, but this line of thought is folly based on nothing but feminine conceit. As such, I will forever recommend against this. Have a mission, do not base your life on a woman.

Don’t forget you can sign-up for notification of the book release here and learn about the upcoming dark triad forum here.

5.) Relevant Reading:

If you identify with Ben, or know somebody like Ben, I recommend you/they absorb the following materials in the order listed:

No More Mr. Nice Guy
The 48 Laws of Power
The Rational Male: Preventive Medicine
The Rational Male