Vetting Women: What To Look For – A Guide


“We ask four things for a woman–that virtue dwell in her heart, modesty in her forehead, sweetness in her mouth, and labour in her hands.” – Chinese Proverb

Contents:
1.) Introduction
1a.) For Love or for Empire?
1b.) Stop Looking For Your Mother
2). Primary Evaluative Metrics
2a.) Big Five Personality Traits
2b.) Her Familial Culture
2c.) Fertility Concerns
2d.) Her Relationship With Money
2e.) Women & Intelligence
3.) Closing Thoughts:

1.) Introduction:

Time and time again, I’ve been asked by men “what to look for in a woman?” – a simple albeit fundamental question, with an intricate and multi-layered answer that can be broken down into many working parts. The goal of this essay is to do precisely that – to breakdown the question by addressing the myriad relevant concerns and considerations that should factor into a thinking man’s decision making process when evaluating a woman for long-term commitment.

Choosing the mother of your children will be one of the most important decisions you ever make in your life. Letting your dick do all the deciding for you and impregnating a woman you do not believe would be a good mother is wildly irresponsible, and a cause of much poverty, pain and suffering amongst young boys and men within society.

High calibre men possess higher degrees of self-discipline, but lust is the strongest and most common weakness inherent to them. And so finding ways to manage your lust and forge a rigorous self-discipline that will prevent you from impregnating women you do not think will make good mothers is key. Generally speaking, sleeping with a woman you wouldn’t want to commit to is a game of Russian roulette, as she may lie about being on birth control, or deliberately sabotage your birth control in order to trap you into committing to her.

With a lack of compassion and attachment comes a lack of trust, and you will likely see the most desperate and very worst of what women have to offer by engaging in such relations with them. Nonetheless, I am not here to lecture you, merely to inform you of everything relevant to the subject matter at hand – which includes knowing yourself, your tendencies and the role you play in the selection process.

The mother of your children is one of the greatest investments you will ever make for yourself and your unborn children, for not only will she carry them, give them half of their genetic material and grant them life, she will furthermore act as the primary source of nurturing and influence on them in their most formative and impressionable years. She will be a crucial role model, confidante and friend to your daughters, whilst modelling what ideal female behaviour looks like to your sons, both through how she responds to you, and how she treats them. This is not something you want to get wrong, for you will regret it to the very end of your days if you do.

This guide, of course, like any piece of literature, cannot do everything for you. With limited life experience you will lack discernment, and the weaker your discernment, the harder it will be to apply what you’ve read.

This essay is thus broken up into two overarching sections comprised of a number of subsections.

The first, what you are currently reading, serves as a brief introduction on the purpose of this essay, why it exists, and what it hopes to achieve with the addition of some miscellaneous albeit significant points of consideration relevant to vetting. The second, which I believe to be the meat of the article, will detail the qualities and traits one should look for in a woman, spanning a number of very different but equally important dimensions.

1a.) For Love or for Empire?:

These two things are not necessarily mutually exclusive, but there is a clear divide in cultural preference. Westerners generally prefer to marry the person they feel most passionate about, and then build and design their family around this romance, whereas more conservative cultures, such as in central Asia and the middle east tend to view marriage as more of a businesslike and pragmatic arrangement. That is not to say there are no people who marry for love there, or that those who partake in arranged marriages are not capable of falling in love with each other, only that romance is not the primary motivator or consideration for marriage within these cultures, and that family politics often takes precedence over the desires of the individual.

Of course, there are pros and cons to both sides. A culture that limits the amount of exposure you have to prospective mates doesn’t give you much of a chance to get to know a woman on a personal level, and get a feel for her personality. Everybody shows their best side when they go for a job interview, and this is no exception – isolated, brief meetings with potential prospects will reveal very little substantive about the person you’re dealing with, however if natural chemistry is present, it will blossom quickly, prompting further meetings and greater authenticity as a metaphysical connection begins to form between the two.

Those who marry out of practicality may lack passion and excitement within their lives, but have a solid foundation on which to build something lasting. Women will require a man that can provide. A man will require a woman who is fertile, and pleasing to the eye. Both get something out of the arrangement, even if they lack a strong metaphysical connection that drives passion for one another. In this sense, they are business partners of a sort.

On the other hand, marrying someone quite useless because you feel strongly about them can lead to all kinds of otherwise preventable struggle. The best example I can present of this is actually from the female point of view. Young women sometimes fall in love with men who are too immature to properly govern them. This leads to heartbreak and tragedy of immense magnitude on both sides, as ultimately a man’s inability to lead thrusts the woman into a leadership role akin to mothering, leading him to abdicate all authority over his woman and lose all respect from her, ruining what was once a flourishing romance.

Ideally, you marry a woman you love who possesses the traits conducive to assisting you in fulfilling your life’s purpose and its constituent goals. Failing that, you rather plainly marry one who will aid rather than hinder you.

1b.) Stop Looking For Your Mother:

Most men have a propensity to subconsciously seek out their mothers when vetting a woman, as their mother is their primary and best known template for femininity. Whilst this is understandable, it is fundamentally foolish, because no woman other than your mother will treat you in the way that she does. Your mother will permit far more general weakness and incompetence from you than a mate would, because you came from her and as such possess her genetic material. This genetic link is what drives a greater tolerance from, and loyalty to you in her that will be absent in unrelated women. To get a better idea of what women are like in general, use how your mother interacts with your father as a point of reference, rather than how she interacts with you.

Conflating behaviour that results from the mothering instinct with general female nature is a folly that is to be carefully avoided. However, it is worth noting that the highest quality women will extend far greater compassion than lower quality ones, assuming you have first won their respect. And whilst the gentleness of such compassion may be emotionally interpreted as motherliness, she will still be more fundamentally ruthless in her opportunism than your mother would be. Much unlike your mother, she doesn’t want to feel like your mother, she wants you to feel like her father. Restated another way: she doesn’t want to feel like you’re dependent on her, but she wants to be able to depend on you. The burden of serving as a pillar of strength is yours and yours alone, not hers. If she is a good woman, she will do her best to serve that role for your children, not you.

A man is a boy once and only once, whilst a woman still retains elements of her girlishness for life in so much as that her father is her first patriarch, and her husband is her second. In that sense, you approximate the functions of her father without actually being him, and in doing so, many parallels can be drawn between the father-daughter relationship and the husband-wife one.

2). Primary Evaluative Metrics:

If you are lucky, you meet a woman who had a strong, magnificent father that cultivated a mentorlike relationship with his daughter, where she holds her father in high esteem and respects his word, and felt loved enough by him not to resent him for exercising authority over her.

This however in the contemporary western world, is increasingly and rather sadly rare. Most women today come with baggage no matter how young they are, for even if you manage to be her first romantic interest, she will typically have some not so insignificant unresolved issue with her father. Generally speaking, he was either incredibly strict, incredibly permissive or entirely absent. Either way, he failed to adequately fulfil his role in the balancing act known as fatherhood, and as a result you will have to clean up his mess in cultivating a respectable, grounded and quality woman where he failed to do so.  You are playing daddy in the most literal way possible – she is yours to train, assuming she trusts you enough to hand herself over to you.

Not all woman are worth cultivating, many are too far gone. Like any craftsman, you need good material to work with. This is the difference between having a woman with all the right ingredients which just haven’t been cultivated into a delicious dish yet, and charred, carcinogenic food that isn’t even edible let alone worth purchasing. Metaphors aside, not all women have potential. Your job is to recognise one that has, and mould her into your ideal – trust, desire and metaphysical connection permitting.

This requires a large time investment from you as a man, and if you’re particularly ambitious and have other self-development and business concerns, such tutelage will certainly prove a disincentive. You may wish to delay dating altogether until you’re more established simply so you can afford to invest this sort of time into a woman, or just avoid it entirely and look for one of the few women who was raised well to minimise burden and maximise time. The choice of course, is yours.

2a.) Big Five Personality Traits:

Women are on average, a standard deviation higher in neuroticism than men are, which means they are more susceptible to experiencing negative emotions than men. The cause of this is rooted in the biology of hormones and our evolutionary past as a species – simply put, women are wired to be socially vigilant in order to best care for babies and small children. The concerned and worrisome nature inherent to neuroticism and generally prevalent in women is thus a feature, not a bug, despite how bothersome it may prove in areas of life outside infant childcare.

Other than promiscuity, neuroticism is the most important trait to select for in a women bar none, as it will have the greatest impact on your relationship over any other factor. The more neurotic a woman is, the “higher maintenance” she is, and the more time and emotional labour she will require.

Women who have experienced enough trauma to induce prolonged psychiatric disturbances typically exhibit unhealthy levels of neuroticism rooted in paranoia and spontaneous anger. Such women are ill-suited to marriage and motherhood by merit of their own dysfunctions, although of course, this does not typically prevent them from pursuing either.

Women can manage neuroticism through meditation or prayer, exercise, yoga, and avoiding hormonal birth control, however some women are temperamentally more neurotic than others. And the more neurotic she is, the more unreasonable, emotionally demanding and attention seeking she will be. A woman who has her neuroticism under control will give her man space to thrive, work, learn and essentially carry out the necessary tasks in life he needs to perform that don’t require her presence, or benefit from her absence. A highly neurotic woman on the other hand becomes suspicious whenever her man is absent for too long, she is prone to distrust and nagging, and ultimately holds him back from greatness by acting as an anchor rather than an assistant.

High conscientiousness is very desirable as it translates into willingness to get things done. Conscientiousness doesn’t necessarily mean she is achievement striving and career oriented, but more that she does what she says she will do, has high self-discipline, keeps a tidy, orderly environment, and likes to think things through. Any highly domestic woman who keeps a spotless house and prepares nutritious and delicious home cooked food will be highly conscientious. A woman low in conscientiousness will be comparatively lazy, impulsive and less of an asset to you as a man.

Agreeableness – counterintuitively, a moderately disagreeable woman is preferable to a highly agreeable one. Do not conflate disagreeableness with an inability to submit or follow. Less and moderately agreeable people are often very loyal and compliant once they respect you. The reason a measure of disagreeableness is important, is because without it you can have no honour. If a woman is prone to following whoever is in charge without asking questions, then she is fickle, and if she is fickle she will be prone to treachery. Those high in agreeableness are so desperate for social approval they usually go along with whatever the trend is. The agreeable are as such, conformist rather than principled. So whilst high agreeableness may seem attractive because a conflict avoidant woman is easier to deal with than a conflict seeking one, you pay for this lower cost of administration with an increased probability of betrayal.

Openness means an interest in the arts, intellectual conversation, imaginativeness, emotionality and liberalism. There is of course overlap with agreeableness here, in how emotionality translates into a need for group acceptance and conformist approval seeking behaviour. Women are, by nature, more liberal than men (chaos loves freedom), more emotional and more prone to flights of fantasy. Therefore women are generally speaking quite high in openness. Naturally, too much liberalism is undesirable and thus a moderate to moderately high amount of openness is desirable here. Too much openness she stands for nothing. Too little, and you’re dealing with a robot.

Extraversion is the final trait. This is entirely a matter of preference and it is neither good nor bad whether she is highly extroverted, or not very extroverted at all, however I can provide some insights. Intelligent people tend to be more introverted than less intelligent people. Introverted women are less likely to be exposed to other men (given they spend most of their free time at home) and as such are less given to promiscuity. Introverted women are less able to form meaningful relationships with people, and therefore will likely assign greater value to the relationship they have with you.

Extroverted women on the other hand are generally more exciting, daring and challenging. If you are looking for adventure or passion, you are more likely to find it in a girl who is very outgoing.

To summarise this section: she is preferably moderate to moderately low in neuroticism, moderately agreeable and open, and high in conscientiousness. Extraversion is entirely a matter of preference.

2b.) Her Familial Culture:

Women are much more conformist creatures than men. Will her family discourage or support divorce? Are her parents divorced? What are their values? Those with traditional family values generally raise superior daughters to those with less traditional values. When you marry a woman, you’re not just marrying her, but likewise into her family. Her family will have a strong influence on how she behaves, especially in rough times, as they will be her first port of call – the place she runs to – should your marriage begin to struggle and fall into disarray. A family fundamentally opposed to divorce except in the most extenuating of circumstances will recommend she works on her marriage rather than facilitate its abandonment. Such a family is worth its weight in gold, for they are using their influence to help support the marriage, rather than undermine it.

2c.) Fertility Concerns:

Young women (late teens to mid 20’s) ignore many of the men in their own age cohort, because these men are by and large less established, with greater immaturity and less to offer. Men after all, do mature slower than women. Whilst a woman can be said to be a woman in the most complete sense at around 20, most men aren’t truly seasoned until they’re at least 30. This isn’t to say women do not make mistakes and gain more wisdom as they age, because they do, but in terms of how they conduct themselves and handle their emotions, 20 is around the time they come of age.

Beyond the late teens to mid 20’s stage however, women tend to date men around their own age, or up to about 8 years older than them, because a limited fertility window isn’t a concern for them like it is for men. Most men on the other hand would prefer a woman in her early 20’s. Men are simply more ageist than women, because they have to be. Rooted in biological difference, a woman’s fertile shelf life is much shorter than a man’s. For whilst men are susceptible to declining sperm quality, they continue producing sperm their entire lives. Women on the other hand become extremely difficult to impregnate after the age of 35, and stop producing viable eggs not long after. It’s not that women over the age of 35 can’t get pregnant, assuming they are healthy and have good genetics – but more the case it takes many more attempts, and the child is more likely to have greater health complications and a lower genetic quality as a result. Such instances of late age motherhood are referred to as “geriatric pregnancy” in the medical literature for a reason.

To make it patently clear, if a woman is not in her 20’s, you do not have much if any time at all to start a family. And whilst it is possible to start a family with a woman in her late 20’s, it is far from ideal due to the anxiety she experiences concerning her childlessness. Essentially, dating a woman over the age of 25-26 at a push is working on an expedited schedule in line with her anxieties and rapidly narrowing fertility window. You will be thrust into parenthood and additional responsibility much quicker with older women than you will be with younger women, experiencing less couples time, whilst being deprived the privilege of enjoying her in her prime.

Younger is as such, better. Better looking, less baggage, fewer to no sexual partners, fertile, and in less of a rush to start a family. It’s a no brainer for a man, no matter how society may shame him otherwise for this preference.

2d.) Her Relationship With Money:

Women care more about how much money a man makes than vice versa. Men can become particularly paranoid about gold digging, and this isn’t an entirely unwarranted concern, especially for men with a lot to lose – however, the difference between a high quality woman and a low quality one is a high quality woman merely cares about money as a means of survival, whilst a low quality one is obsessed with it to the point of indulgent, hedonistic consumerism. All those women that list shopping as one of their favourite hobbies? They mostly fall into the latter category.

It is unreasonable to expect a woman not to factor in your ability to financially provide as a man in her evaluation of you, as after all, it is the responsibility of the man to take care of the material needs of his woman and children. This doesn’t make her a gold digger. Think about it another way – would you be happy with the idea of your daughter dating a man who is too poor to provide for even her basic needs? Surely not. So it is prudent then to be mindful enough to distinguish between a woman who cares about money, as all humans do, and a woman who is obsessed with it to the point of rabid materialism.

There are deep psychological underpinnings rooted in our evolutionary past driving women’s evaluation of resource provisioning, simply put, it was neanderthal man who was out on the plains hunting game and bringing back the spoils of his kills to the women and children of his tribe – he was “bringing home the bacon” so to speak. This need to feel useful by providing for the family in men, and the desire to find a sufficiently competent man able to provide for the family in women, is a prevailing, ancient instinct. Without it, we wouldn’t be here.

Otherwise important to consider is a woman’s relationship with money, as it reveals facets of her ego. If she is modest, she will appreciate what you give and do for her, and be frugal in her spending. If she is arrogant, she will always expect more, and insult you for not meeting an unreasonably high standard.

Frugality is an incredibly wifely trait, as it demonstrates high self-discipline, strong impulse control, good mental stability, high conscientiousness and a respect for your labour. The typical woman is prone to wasteful spending (women make up 80% of all consumer spending despite only being 51% of the population), and as such, will not make best use of the resources you bring them. A woman who is frugal respects money, meaning she will respect your money. Likewise, those who do not constantly spend to fill some kind of emotional void as a means of “retail therapy” demonstrate a solid psychological footing.

2e.) Women & Intelligence:

I will assume if you read this blog, your IQ is no lower than 115, and is in all likelihood, much higher. It is from this assumption I write the following:

Women who can hold an intellectual conversation are infinitely more pleasurable than their duller counterparts, providing a higher quality of company for their prospective husbands. However, important to note is that highly intelligent women tend to be incredibly stubborn, and no less unreasonable than dumber women. On the contrary, it can even be argued they are more delusional, as their ability to leverage their advanced cognition to deceive themselves and in turn jump through numerous mental hoops to deny a thing is unparalleled.

Being more intelligent does not increase women’s truth preference, nor increase their preference for logic even if it enhances their ability to wield it, for they are still governed by the same chaotic hormonal madness that their less intelligent counterparts are. Disagreements with these women are as such incredibly trying, for they represent competent opponents even when egregiously wrong.

Likewise, a very intelligent woman will be predisposed to believing she knows better than you. Simply put, intelligence is a masculine characteristic, as it is necessary for the advanced planning required to lead. Smart women, by merit of possessing this attribute, will be prone to disobedience, and even should they conform, do so resentfully if they believe they know better – which they often do.

Intelligence sadly does not lend itself to modesty, grace and all the aspects of the feminine we find most beautiful, for it is through the pursuit of credentials, careerism, and being rewarded with status and position for their smarts that such things are typically eroded in women.

Genetically, an intelligent woman will of course provide you with cleverer offspring. Better offspring, and, when you’re not experiencing issues in the leader-follower dynamic due to fundamental disagreements, better company. But the price you pay for this is lower relational satisfaction – having to deal with a higher level of disagreeableness. Simply put, exceptionally intelligent women are more capable of elaborate self-deception, less likely to follow your lead, and more likely to give you headaches. They are higher maintenance. The reward is, better general company, and cleverer offspring better suited to continuing the family name should empire and dynasty be a particular concern of yours.

My general recommendation is to compromise, and look for a woman who is around half a standard deviation in intelligence below you, therefore being smart enough to be enjoyable company, but not so smart she thinks she can lead better than you can. Intelligence is a dominating attribute, therefore it only makes sense for the man to possess more of it than the woman in any sort of ideal matchup. Likewise, the ability to act as a mentor and teacher towards your woman is an asset to relational bonding. Women love men they can look up to, and men who guide and teach them are the very men they look up to. It’s a bit difficult for them to do that if they’re smarter than you, isn’t it?

Just as increased income reduces a woman’s options, so does increased intelligence. The opposite of course is true for men, and should you be interested, there is academic literature that supports these observations.

3.) Closing Thoughts:

At over 4,000 words long, I am not entirely happy with this piece, for whilst it is comprehensive, it is not exhaustive. There are numerous pertinent aspects I have left out, such as modesty and egoism, and the phenomenon of “fake submissive” women. As such, I expect to update this article in the future to include these additional facets, as well as improve the quality of my prose. Consider what you see here to be a viable product, rather than an optimised one, with further improvements to come down the line.

Additionally I think it important to note that, in a strategic sense, your partner will be your weak point. Your woman will know things about you most people don’t, being privy to your particular tastes, habits, haunts and maybe even some of your secrets. She is a crucial point of leverage, and will as such be a preferred vector of attack for anybody looking to compromise you. It is therefore crucial to find a woman who is as resilient as she is trustworthy, lest a fickle and fragile woman gives up the keys to the kingdom to preserve her safety, or to employ an idiom we use here in England – “hang you out to dry”.

I would like to give special thanks to LifeMathMoney for enticing me into writing long form again. He offered me money to do so, but potential upside without potential downside was not sufficiently compelling. There had to be a pain point (something to lose) to turn his offer into a competition that would interest me, and so I upped the stakes by offering to pay him more than he was willing to pay me if I didn’t meet the agreed upon deadline.

There is a phrase I think I first heard from Jordan B Peterson along the lines of “you need a heaven to run towards, and a hell to run from” – this agreement in its own sense is a microcosm of that. I mention this, not only because I wish to pay homage to LMM, but because I likewise believe there’s a valuable lesson to be learned here you can take and apply to your own lives. So here we are. I hope you are as pleased to be reading this as I am to be writing it, as after all, the last update was in August 2017 – almost a full four years ago.

At this moment in time, I don’t have anything to shill you other than my audiobook, so if you’ve enjoyed my work in the past or would like to continue supporting it in the future – please consider purchasing my audiobook.

Until next time,
IM

51 thoughts on “Vetting Women: What To Look For – A Guide

    1. Awe man I just got hold of this and it was a masterpiece..As a black man tryna rebuild a destroyed culture I thank you💯

  1. good sir IM, it has been 4 years since your last long form post. Nearly jumped out of my chair when I received the notification e-mail. Hallelujah!

  2. -“Women are, by nature, more liberal than men (chaos loves freedom)…”

    What’s more true than this? Sometimes I imagine myself going back to the early 1900’s and telling my grandfather and grandmother what the world will be like. And, there they are, in complete disbelief, like, “No way?!” And, I’m all, “Yes, Grandpa, something like 90% of them are worthless as long term partners.” And, when he asks me why, I’m like, “We shoulda never let ‘em vote.”

    -“Other than promiscuity, neuroticism is the most important trait to select for in a women bar none”

    God, I missed your writing. Please don’t go away again.

    1. It was the soy boys asking why their pp didn’t get any after TRT for one day. He’s back! My N***A! Busting out the 48 laws of power ghosting to make everyone value his swagger.

  3. In the nadir of my current dilemma of choice, I prayed for a sign and woke up to this. Grateful.

  4. Beautiful as always. I love the fact that you maintained to the standard of writing long essays intended to comprise many facets of thoughts; more update to this we will wait patiently for. I also observed that you tuned down the strength of your vocabulary unlike before and it is good, but I love it more former. By and large, you are awesome any day or night.

    Thanks.

    God bless IM.

  5. IM,

    Wow – tears of happiness to see you back in the game!! :’)

    On point as always. You are responsible for such a huge part of my self-actualization to this day….

    Please bless us with more from your gospel. Patiently waiting… x

    Much respect from San Diego, CA

  6. Thanks for writing once again. I am always a fan of long texts instead of tweets. Enjoyed the piece. Thank you.

  7. Another reason why monogamy is superior. The selection for quality gets to be far more stringent and children will no doubt benefit.

    Character,health and beauty all count.

  8. I find your work helpful and it has changed part of me and how I see, and treat people especially the opposite gender, if you’ll do better to add crypto payments it would be easier to support and purchase your good works.

  9. Well well well My N***A is back and writing! I always thought what did it was all the soy boys crying about the T article. That field is swamped with strenuous assistance to those who really don’t deserve help at all. It’s tiresome.

    When you were just on TRP you were the only blogger I actually almost fully agreed with. You valued having children for most cases which is something important for a mature man.

    Good stuff, If I was a zodiac girl I would say I manifested you back.
    I’d like you to check out Robert Sepehr on YouTube. Just for learning about our history. Random but I think you’d enjoy it. No I’m not that person and no I’m not getting paid for it smh.

  10. IM I’ve followed all your advice throughout my 20s. I took your article on “20’s Men The Quest to Power” to heart. Could you write something similar but for a man beginning his 30s? Assuming he didn’t squander his 30s. I’ve acquired connections, money, experience etc.

    1. Could be a great concept for an article. I’d love to go back and polish up the 20’s one too. General theme is, 20’s = building/placing foundations, 30’s = leveraging the wins from your 20’s and enjoying/managing the compounding.

  11. Thanks– Great wisdom that is seen for what it is because I made several of the “big” mistakes not to make you covered in the article. It cut deep. Counsel from a wise man is worth its weight in gold.

    1. The article seems to be popular, but I think what I wrote is more explanative of sociopathy than psychopathy – and I don’t want to be spreading misinformation.

  12. Thank you for a considered, extremely useful “list” that articulates my own thoughts on vetting. My only minor disagreement is on age. I tend to consider women under 25 as being inherently less able to commit and more liable to cheat or leave due to their relative naivete and undoubted sexual power.

    I think the prime window for selecting a long-term female mate is 25-28. Ideally 25-26 over 27-28 but those four years are the latter half of a woman’s peak whereby she has largely exercised a lot of her desire to “explore”, is more willing to commit, but is still in her physical apex (provided she takes steps to preserve her condition).

    It only mourns me that I lost just a woman of this vintage, who matches up near perfectly with much of your vetting procedures alongside my own personal taste. It was losing her that brought me to the “red pill” world and ultimately in finding your work. It just confirms she was a rare specimen, and the loss still stings today, many months later. I can only believe I wasn’t quite of the calibre in my own competencies to keep her.

    But I have faith I will indeed find, at least a few more of her standard or greater, in the future. And I will be much better prepared, in all dimensions, to ensure I suffer no such loss again.

    Greetings from the West Country!

  13. Welcome back, IM. You’ve been missed.

    For what it is worth, your prose seems more relaxed and measured to me. Evident of personal growth perhaps?

  14. This genetic link is what drives a greater tolerance from, and loyalty to you in her that will be absent in unrelated women. To get a better idea of what women are like in general, use how your mother interacts with your father as a point of reference, rather than how she interacts with you.

    That’s the concisest, most effective way to put it in :).
    At this point though, if you aren’t interested in having children, it’s foolish to look for a woman mate.

  15. A man is a boy once and only once, whilst a woman still retains elements of her girlishness for life in so much as that her father is her first patriarch, and her husband is her second. In that sense, you approximate the functions of her father without actually being him, and in doing so, many parallels can be drawn between the father-daughter relationship and the husband-wife one.

    Great. Since, in reality, the one “governing” is the servant to the governed, in reality the wife, in return for her oh-so-much-rarer-than-seed ova, will get a servant disguised as a leader, or rather, a leading servant.

    I can’t see how they find people to accept such a bargain.

  16. Enjoyed reading this piece and peeve. Want to note a little on why wome would pursue active ‘fake submissiveness’. Finally more interested in your topics on psychopaths. It seems the world is incapable of understanding dynamic is not a function of tilt, sad to say we could be all placed in a ‘cull or be culled’ situation. As for the competition, you did the wrong thing, he optimised your decision better yet your heuristic. Brilliant piece. Probably, a classic.

  17. Quality of writing is more important than quantity. This was worth the wait.

    However I must disagree with this:
    The reason a measure of disagreeableness is important, is because without it you can have no honour.

    Women do not understand honor because they cannot. We western men are descended from those who stood by one another, with spears / axes / swords to defend the village. Women are descended from those women who bore children; a woman of a defeated tribe on her knees screaming “DON”T KILL ME, I”LL HAVE YOUR BABIES” is somewhere up the bloodline of every woman in existence, because any women with “honour” who fought to the death would have left few to no offspring behind. Her genes would vanish.

    Women are inherently capable of switching loyalty. It is a genetic necessity to be a War Bride.

    Rollo Tomassi @ Rational Male covered this rather well some 10 years ago.

    One can tell a woman about honour, one can teach her to recite things, but she will never understand it at the “gut” level. Other means must be used to enable her loyalty.

  18. Glad to see you writing again! Great piece. I’m happy to see that I could motivate you to write.

  19. In my most sincere opinion, today’s women are not worth it, most have traumas, it is also a burden on what the man must carry if he wants a relationship, in addition to keeping it in that state of love and Conflict, otherwise it’s her. will change you without regret

    We live in difficult times and most have realized all the deception that we have carried since our inception.

    the healthiest and wisest thing for a man is to be alone to embrace that loneliness and nothing else …

    1. We live in difficult times. But, in large part, what makes them difficult is it is now way easier than ever before in history to see how difficult times are.

      You say women are a burden on what the man must carry if he wants a relationship. Do you think it wasn’t like that in the past? “State of love and conflict”: do you think it wasn’t there before?

      As I wrote above in a previous comment, if you don’t want a bloodline legacy, no reason to try anything with women. Even sex, they’ll give it to you for a short period, in return for incurring damage for a long time.

  20. IM: what if a woman is TOO close to her father, whereby she is in an extended adolescence and hasn’t left the nest (at 29 years old) emotionally, and is incapable of following another man because her father is too controlling?

    You didnt address this but I have to imagine you’re aware of the phenomenon. My wife and her sister are, I believe, incapable of truly submitting to any other man but their father, or i.e. their father will always be the patriarch with their husband second in command. It’s a real f*cking problem for me.

    1. Not a lot to go off here so can’t say anything definitive. The reason WHY the father is so prominent and involved must be ascertained. He should be taking a backseat once she’s married, as she’s no longer his responsibility unless she’s in extreme danger. Men who are very abusive yet managed to keep their homes intact, generally have trauma bonds with their women who have become incredibly timid in disposition as a conditioned response – this isn’t something you’re going to overcome by being a conventionally firm but fair man. I would honestly advise men to stay away from women with these kinds of daddy issues.

      1. Her father is dependent on her emotionally, and vice versa. Basically, her father has to have psychological control of anyone and everyone in his sphere, or he doesn’t feel safe/secure. Background on her: shes from south Africa, and is Muslim (shes coloured). I’m a white American, raised Christian but not religious (not atheist either).

        I was initially pleased to find out that she is close to her father, and was drawn to her as wife material because she is anti-feminist, and believes in the natural order. And I agree he should have taken a step back immediately after the marriage. However, he has not. They talk every single day, in their language (afrikans) and she insists it’s mostly small talk and I’m being abusive by trying to pull her away from her family. I told her we are a new family now, and our birth families are secondary now, but that wasnt in her dads plan (that she has internalized).

        Perhaps I shouldnt have married a Muslim, perhaps I shouldnt have married a non-white. And i discovered i wasnt nearly as attracted to her physically as I thought (she was a virgin until wedding night — at 29 years old). Also honestly the vast majority of white women I’ve met in recent few years are pure trash– tatts, hyper-politicized, unrestrained hypergamy, anti-natal, etc. Our women are trash because we worship them and because we worship mammon, in my view. But I digress.

  21. Another amazing post. Thank you IM – you are the father I never had. I think I’ve read all your posts on women and I was hoping to inspire a new type of content. As far as I can see, you make astute observations and brilliant conclusions. However as a newly married man, I feel like I sometimes need direction on how to actually deal with her.

    We understand her thanks to you, but I am still clueless on how to manage them. How to deal with illogical emotional responses? Or the fact that truth might utterly destroy her? Is there a guide on cultivating her personality?

    A real how-to post would be much appreciated!

    1. Simple answer: your opinion and subsequently, validation, should be the greatest form of influence on her. If it isn’t, then she isn’t in love with you. So assuming she is in love with you, leverage that. You are in the most influential position in her life, having access to an intimacy with her that nobody else does. Women respond very well to positive validation, especially when it comes from a man she looks up to. You simply make your expectations of her known. When she fulfils them, you praise her, show her affection etc, when she defies them, you chastise her, withdraw attention etc. Disingenuous people with an agenda would read this and reframe it as “you wanting to make her a zombie co-dependant!” but that’s not at all what I’m driving at.

      Leadership entails a degree of conditioning of your subordinates, which is what she is to you, albeit in a highly personal and compassionate sense, rather than in a detached and professional one. There is a clearly defined hierarchy which places the greater burden of responsibility on you, and therefore the position of authority on you. You are responsible for her, and therefore you have authority over her. If a man does not have authority over his wife then he does not even have authority over himself, because it is she who will have authority over him, and the vast majority of women are too emotional, neurotic and irrational to make for competent leaders.

      The fact of the matter is, an emotional person forces you to engage on an emotional playing field with them. Reasoning everything out with them won’t work because they’ll just stop listening and won’t care. They have to “feel like it’s right” or they won’t go along with it. So how do you engage emotionally with your woman in a constructive way? By conditioning her to want to do the things you like by rewarding her with positive emotions whenever she does the things you like. Never be light on praise when she is well behaved. If she cooks, cleans, speaks in a pleasant voice – praise her. If you showed disapproval of something and she stopped doing it – bring it up later and tell her you’re proud of her. Women respond very well to this form of management and it will make for a tighter beyond between the two of you, and greater relational satisfaction. Never be light on praise – just make sure she earns it.

      You won’t be frustrated your wife is always doing things you hate, and she’ll feel like you’re emotionally available and close to her – which is the most important thing for a woman. As a man, you are the leader – so it’s down to you to set the rules, place boundaries and reward/punish as necessary. These things are not her place. As an emotional woman, she is purely reactionary. You have to set the tone by leading her as you’d wish to condition her – which will be great practice for when you have kids one day (as the same process will ultimately repeat again – as both women and children are highly emotional and unruly until conditioned by authority and compassion into civility)

      When she complains about something, make her feel heard, she just wants comfort and to feel like you care – but if she is excessively whiny, tell her firmly and with compassion that she needs to work on not letting the little things bother her so much because such frequent negative emotion is bad for her, and you care about her health and want her to be happy (this is how you have to frame it to her). The beneficial outcome for you is you get a wife who bitches and complains a whole lot less, because some women are, by temperament, quite whiny – even when they are treated well and provided for. There is a difference between communicating serious issues, and whining about every little inconvenience life throws at you – if present, condition out the latter, whilst emphasising importance on the former.

      Ask yourself “how would a strong but loving father direct his daughter?” and take that approach.

      After all, he was the first patriarch in her life, and you are the second and final one (if successful).

      Good luck!

      PS: I do think an in-depth piece on “managing women” is warranted, as there seems to be a dearth of information on the topic online (as you rightfully point out) – and I think that’s because most men are either:

      -In unhappy, dysfunctional marriages
      -In short-term relationships/flings
      -Have no relationship experience at all

      Respected patriarchs in prosperous long-term relationships are sadly not all that common, and it shows in the lack of information on managing women that’s available.

      A guy that fucked around with various flings for 10-15 years doesn’t have a clue on what it’s like to form a bond with, condition, instruct and lead a woman long-term – including all its associated pitfalls, because he just runs whenever things get too complicated.

      1. Thanks for the reply IM, you’ve already helped me so much! This is such a good practical guide that I think I really deserves it’s own expanded version as a post on your site.

        I’ve started to apply what you mentioned and it’s already having an effect. I guess I just never never really wanted to ‘fake’ my words, but it really seems the only way to maintain a balance in the relationship.

        I have to vent a little here, but praising her for minuscule tasks that a grown women should be able to do without the need for approval really pains me. It can be simple things like just wiping the counter or putting something back after use. I can’t believe I need to praise this behavior for it to improve! It’s akin to training a dog and deep down I do not want to treat her like an animal but sadly, this is my last resort.

        Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t treat her like a dog. It’s just an analogy. I love her to no end because she brings so much value to my life. I just really need help dealing with the emotional roller coaster that comes with fatherhood. Thanks to you, I have purged my ‘equality’ thinking and have taken an active step in leading the family. It was such a mistake to expect her to take on responsibilities in an equal manner. I can see that the results will be a happier relationship that can handle hurdle more readily.

        “Leadership entails a degree of conditioning of your subordinates, which is what she is to you, albeit in a highly personal and compassionate sense, rather than in a detached and professional one.” – This rings so true. I’ve been accused of treating her like an employee and now I feel stupid for not realizing the key difference. Thanks again for this.

        “A guy that fucked around with various flings for 10-15 years doesn’t have a clue on what it’s like to form a bond with, condition, instruct and lead a woman long-term – including all its associated pitfalls, because he just runs whenever things get too complicated.” – Guilty as charged.

        Thanks again IM. This knowledge needs larger spotlight in today’s society. Unfortunatey, we’ll probably get called women haters and sexists bigots.

    2. Read the book womens infidelity micheley langley. She shows the female behaviour in marriage with precision.

      The most power thing men can have in a relationship is emotional detachment. Only a detached men can lead the relationship.

      If a woman realize the man she is with, is in love with her (attached to her), she loses respect.

      It’s a shame that the books of Nessahan Alita don’t have in english. Only in portuguese.

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